193.8.

They say confession is good for the soul, I don’t know who They are, but They seem to have a lot of opinions about a lot of things and They are never around to pick up the pieces or enjoy the rewards. 

This has been an emotional week for so many reasons but none of which would make any sense if I wrote them down and even if I did I’m sure They would say ‘just get over it’ and I’m really trying to but sometimes you just have to give in the emotions and feel and hurt and cry and yes sometimes even drink and eat things that are not the best.  Well, that is where I have been this past week.  I call her February Julie.

I hate February.  There is much good – the birth of my son, my grandson, my father, my brother, my daughter-in-law.  But, there is also the 26^th anniversary of my first marriage which was this past Tuesday and I know They say I am better off and I agree but the day comes with memories, remorse, regret, and guilt.  It just does.  The 15^th is also the 19^th anniversary of the death of the mother of my current husbands children who died of cancer when the kids were very young and he goes into mourning mode several days before and after this date which happens to include Valentines day and our anniversary. 

I decided, especially after yesterdays post, that February Julie needed to go away.  I want January Julie back.  So, as of today, here I am.  The past week is just that.  Past.  I have much to be grateful for and I am going to live each day grateful for it and all that comes with it.  I choose happiness.  I’m going to start to LOVE February even if it kills me which it just may.

Loves.