196.2

Thank you for your comments yesterday.  When I am home, I do measure my foods to make sure I am doing what I should.  When I am at work or on the go, I try to go with foods I know the calories.  After reading Chris's Post about measuring it got me thinking and wondering if even those measurements were correct.  Today I was forced into eating with the management team and I made as solid choices as I could.  But because it was catered and the provider didn't have the nutritional information, I was forced to look at similar foods and guess as to my calorie content.  I try to be pretty religious when it comes to calories because I want this so bad.  I am just so frustrated that the weight isn't coming down.  My husband says I look like I'm slimming even if the scale doesn't show it.  So, with it being the end of January, I decided to re-evaluate my goals and tomorrow start fresh.  The first thing I am going to do is kick the weighing every day since for 11 days in a row I have hovered around 196.  I weigh at my trainers on Monday so I will do the same at home.  I also noticed that I started eating a heavier breakfast around 11 days ago - instead of Fruit n yogurt parfait from McDonalds (130 calories with no granola that I threw away) I would have Fruit and Maple Oatmeal at 290 calories then adjust what I ate the rest of the day.  There has to be something with my diet that is keeping the weight on.  I am moving every single day.  I am drinking water.  I am not eating breads or sweets.  So, it has to be something that I am eating that is keeping me up.  If I can figure that out and do the measuring better, than I hope by next Monday I will be down.  PLEASE!  I am not giving up.  I am frustrated, but I am not giving up.  Hell, I'm 10 pounds lighter than I was three months ago.  That counts for something.  The steel curtain is up.

Loves.

196.0

I am frustrated the weight isn't melting off.  I mean, butter melts doesn't it?  Why can't fat?  My husband who is trying to be good still has his diet coke and eats the occasional crap and doesn't exercise and he lost FOUR pounds this week.  Me?  Nothing.  A big fat zero.  I didn't lose one single ounce.  ARGH!!!

I will prevail - this you can count on.  

One pound.  One day at a time.

"Eff you!"  I say to myself.

Myself says back "Oh shut up and say it again"

"One pound.  One day at a time." I say to myself.

This time I believe it because I believe in me.

Loves. 

196.4. Christine's Challenge Question Answered

Part 1.  “Why do I want to lose weight”.

I have all the standard responses that we tell everyone.  But when I really think about it and am honest with myself, the reasons are all selfish and self serving and quite frankly, all about me.   I want to feel good about myself.  I want to walk out my door in the morning and feel confident.  I don’t want the skinnies of the world to judge me.  I don’t want to be mocked because of my size.   I want to wear a swim suit at the ocean or a pool and not want to stay covered up.  I want to walk into a store and not have to go to the plus size section.  I want to look current.   I want to be relevant.  I want to matter.  I want to be the girl who demands a second look. 

I’m not saying I’m either proud or condoning my feelings, I’m just being honest with myself.  After all, isn’t that the reason for the question? 

This week I started doing circuit training with a personal trainer.  It kicks my butt.  Today, I wanted to die, again.  I also have not lost any weight this week.  But strange as it seems, I can tell a difference already in how I feel physically, but more important, how I feel about myself.  I actually allowed myself to wear my ‘killer boots’ also known in some circles as ‘hooker boots’ on the outside of my skinny jeans yesterday and I felt GREAT!!  I exuded confidence.  And, I turned a head or two. 

THAT is what I want.  THAT is why I want to lose weight. 

Someday, I hope I can look back on this post and realize how superficial this statement is and have other reasons for wanting to lose weight, but right now, this is my driving force.  I’m doing this because I want my eyes to see what my head knows is in there.

Part 2.  “What are my chances of Success this time?”

Do I think I will succeed this time?  ABSOLUTELY.

Why?  Because …

·         I have the support from this amazing online community that I never had before.  

·         I am accountable to people that know what I’m selling is either the real deal or crap. 

·         I have the determination now more than ever. 

·         I don’t want to live my life on the “if only…” end of things.

·         I am so tired of the other way of life.

·         I have friends and family who believe in me.

·         I believe in myself.

Loves.

196.0. Christines Challenge

Spring Chick Challenge Update:

This week saw some ups and downs.  Last night was the hardest because I went with my dad to dinner to a place he and mom had loved to go.  It was also a place that I could get a reasonable mean but Dad wanted to share fish n chips like he and mom always had.  When I told him they were too high in calories for me and that I would get something else, I could tell he was disappointed so I told him that I thought I had the calories to give so we did share a meal and he was happy as a clam and I felt okay about that even though it was the first flour I have had in three weeks and I was way over on calories.  My dad was happy!! 

In other areas, I have done very poorly with my medications and need to remember that.  My overall weight loss this week was only 1.8 pounds and while I wish it was more, I did have a loss, so YAY !  Plus, as posted yesterday, I did run in a 5k on Saturday.  So good things are happening and I can see progress.





100 day Weight Loss Challenge

Christine's blog was the number one reason I knew I could do this.  Lose weight.  She has inspired me time and again and again with her words of experience, wisdom, and humor.  She has been a HUGE support to me, a complete stranger, when I was new to this world.  That is why I love this community so much.  We read, we recognize a kindred spirit, we follow, we encourage, we accept with a completeness that sometimes is hard to find in our every days.  

Chris is sponsoring a 100 Day Weight loss challenge that starts tomorrow and is both brilliant and inspired.  She has created this challenge based on her experiences and those of fellow blogger Sean Anderson who wrote the book "Transformation Road - My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back" that you can read about also on her blog.  The challenge involves three things that she describes in detail but for the sake of basic information I have listed them here:

Calorie cap at 1500 per day.
Exercise 30 min 6 days per week
Self Discovery Journal/Blogging

I am fully endorsing this challenge because of the love and trust I have in Christine and her desire to help others in their struggle to find their inner self and peace as she continues to do so in her own life.  I encourage you to look at this challenge and see if it resonates in your heart as something that will help you accomplish the goals you have set for yourself at this time in your life.


In other news:

 By way of information, another online friend, Myra, has started the Behavior Blast Challenge.  While I am not participating in this challenge, I also think the concept is a great one.  Many of us are in the Spring Chick Challenge sponsored by Stormy, which was my FIRST challenge and a wonderful way I was able to meet so many of you and get insight into your life and receive encouragement from you. 
 
I love the ideas of challenges to keep us motivated and inspired and going.  It helps our community to become closer and to grow in ways that are so important to all of us.  So whatever course you choose, make it count. 

Loves.

43:03.2

My time in my SECOND 5K in as many months.

The Frigid 5K.

My only goal?  Beat 47:04.7 the time of my first 5K.

Done.

It rained.  The entire time.

I was drenched but oh so happy!

 

(Me on Left - Sue on Right)

By the end of the day, the rain turned into a very wet snow that dropped six inches by the end of the night and gave my husband an opportunity to experience nature outside while I experienced the nature of my 4 and 2 year old grandbabies inside.   I think we were both happy with our choices. 

I have been playing a lot of racquetball both casually with friends and competitively with my husband so I was certain that I would have a much easier time and would be able to run more but I was wrong.  My lung capacity is not anywhere close to what it should be.   I have to add some aerobic exercise to my anaerobic racquetball so I can be prepared for next months.  I don’t know which race yet, I just know I want to be at or under the 40 minute mark. 

Another fun fact, I went to my first CIRCUIT TRAINING with a personal trainer who I have decided to refer to as hot Zach when not in his immediate hearing zone.  Of course when it was all over I wanted to die.  I still wanted to die as I drove home.  And as soon as I got home.  And an hour later.  Well, you get the idea.  This is NOT for the faint of heart.  I am determined.  I will be going every Monday and Friday.  And hey, I only have to get up at 4:30. 

A.M.

Not kidding.   

Loves.